Sexual consent
Source: https://student.sussex.ac.uk/wellbeing/relationships/consent Parent: https://student.sussex.ac.uk/wellbeing/relationships
Learn about sexual consent, how to protect yourself and ways to support others.
Important: You may find some of the information in this part of the website triggering or upsetting. If you need help contact us or use our Report and Support tool.
What is sexual consent?
Positive sexual experiences are mutually consensual, respectful and enjoyable. Consensual sexual activity means each party feeling safe and happy. You need consent every time you engage in sexual activity whether you’re with someone you have just met or in a relationship.
Sexual activity without consent is against the law – it is classed as rape or sexual assault.
Sexual consent is explained using the Tea Consent analogy (YouTube).
If you are unsure about whether or not you have consent, ask. If you are still unsure or didn’t receive a satisfactory response, always err on the side of caution and assume you don’t have consent. A simple “Is this okay?” goes a long way.
Verbal consent
When engaging in sexual activity, consent is all about constant communication between the parties involved and it’s mandatory. This means before you engage in any sexual activity with someone, you have to make sure that they consent to do it. If you’re trying to move further along in what activity you’re doing, you have to make sure your partner is with you. If your partner wants to stop — you stop. No exceptions.
The easiest way to get someone’s consent is to ask them for it verbally. Verbal consent is saying either “yes” or another affirmative statement like “I’m into this” or “I’m into trying.”
Non-verbal consent
While verbal consent is best, there are other ways that work, too. Non-verbal cues can look like a head nod, pulling someone closer, making direct eye contact, and enthusiastically and actively touching someone back.
If your partner doesn’t help you to advance the sexual encounter, it is your responsibility to slow down, stop, and check in. If they appear to be disinterested, move away from you, freeze up, look vacant or distant, stop and check in.
Defining consent
Consent is:
- a clear agreement to engage in sexual activity
- ongoing throughout the whole encounter
- mutual (everyone involved has to agree)
- about communication
- mandatory every time
- something that can be revoked even in the middle of a physical encounter
- still required among people in committed relationships and marriages.
Consent is not:
- simply the absence of no
- ignoring or pretending you didn’t hear someone say no
- the way someone is dressed or the way someone flirts
- assumed if someone comes back to your place or you go to their place
- assuming you have permission to engage in a particular sexual act because you’ve done it with that person in the past
- assuming consent for one particular sexual act is consent for other sexual acts
- possible if someone is incapacitated because of drugs or alcohol, unconscious or asleep.
Everyday Consent: Relationships, Boundaries and Action
We are committed to providing a safe, inclusive, and respectful environment for every member of our community.
Help keep our campus safe by completing our online module Everyday Consent: Relationships, Boundaries & Action. This course is designed to help you explore the role of consent in everyday life. It covers how to navigate expectations and pressures in sex, dating, and relationships; how to understand and practise consent in ways that lead to safe and satisfying experiences for all; and how to recognise harassment and safely step in when someone might need support.
Content warning: this course contains references to sexual violence; there are survivor sensitive options available within the course.