What is consent?
Source: https://www.chattheweirdout.auckland.ac.nz/student-articles/what-is-consent/ Parent: https://www.chattheweirdout.auckland.ac.nz/
Consent Culture: Your Guide to Respectful Relationships
Here, we believe everyone deserves respect and understanding in their relationships, whether friends, partners, family, or flatmates. Picture this: You’re at a concert, vibing to your favourite songs, when someone starts to invade your personal space, touches you and making you feel uncomfortable. They do not have your permission to invade your personal space like that!
That’s where consent comes in.
Let’s clarify what consent means. Consent is about giving and getting the green light before you engage in a specific activity or behaviour. Whether it’s a hug, high-five, or something more, it’s all about giving an enthusiastic “YES” freely and willingly without pressure.
In the context of sexual relationships, consent needs to be in the picture every time you engage in a sexual activity with others. This also means taking responsibility to ensure the person you are having sex with is comfortable the entire time and wants to engage in the sexual activity. Sometimes, this may feel scary, but it is really important.
Another thing to keep in mind is that you can change your mind at any time. If you are not keen or if you feel uncomfortable at any point, clearly communicate to your partner(s) that you no longer want to engage in this activity and wish to stop. That is completely OK! Withdrawing consent can feel challenging but the best way to ensure that all parties are comfortable and feel confident with any sexual activity is to talk about it.
If someone is expressing discomfort or uncertainty, check in with phrases like “Do you want to stop?” or “Is this still OK?” This might sound weird or uncomfortable to do but it’s really cute checking up on your partner(s) and they will appreciate it. At the end of the day, engaging in a sexual activity should be exciting and mutual so if you or someone else is uncomfortable, you can withdraw your consent anytime!
Consent must be explicit, voluntary, and an enthusiastic YES!
Consent 101: The Dos and Don’ts
Do:
- Respect boundaries. If someone says no or seems uncomfortable, back off and give them space.
- Check-in. “Are you OK with this?” or “Do you want to stop?”
Don’ts:
- Don’t assume. Just because someone said “yes” once, this isn’t a free pass.
- Don’t pressure or guilt trip. “No means no” and only “Yes means yes!” full stop.
Consent isn’t a buzzkill; by not complying, you’d be causing sexual harm
Sexual violence is:
- Any unwanted sexual behaviour toward another person
- Anything sexual without consent
- Sexual violence can occur:
- Physically (e.g., rape and assault);
- Verbally (e.g., saying something of a sexual nature to another person without their consent);
- Visually (e.g., making another person watch porn without their consent, unwanted flashing) or
- Online (e.g. sending another person sexual messages or images without their consent).
Legally, if it’s sexual and there is no consent, it is not sex; it is sexual violence.
Consent Culture Starts with You:
As university students, you have the power to shape the culture on campus. As you navigate this essential factor in any relationship, consent isn’t just a checkbox to tick off but essential to a respectful and empathetic step in your relationships and communities. When it comes to consent, there’s no room for ambiguity – only clarity, confidence, communication, and compassion. Protect yourself and others by educating yourself and others and practicing consent culture.
If you have any questions about sex and sexuality, here are some resources for honest and inclusive information provided by Scarleteen:
Sexual Readiness Checklist: This is an incredible list of questions for you and your partner(s) to think about and discuss before you have sex!
Yes, No, Maybe So: Check out this checklist that helps you figure out your boundaries about sex!
If you or someone you know need help, here are our list of support services that are free and confidential.
Support Services:
- 0508 744 633 Shine Helpline – free from any phone, 9am to 11pm every day.
- 0800 456 450 It’s Not OK info line – free from any phone, 9am to 11pm every day – for help/support if you are experiencing or witnessing family violence.